hello blog, long time no see.

i’ll be honest- i’ll be vaulnerable

i have a problem. and i have had this problem for a long time. you see, when you hide behind smiles and laughter, its easy to disguise. Until you lose time for every aspect to your life to the problem, and slowly, the building blocks of your personality- of your life, crumble into smithereens, and the wall you built to hide behind oyur little secret, aslo falls. Suddenly, everyone can see behind your mask. everyone knows, and theyre worried- theyre scared.

Blog, oh blog of mine, i must come clean. I dont know who i am anymore. Ive lost my motivation, my desires, my will. I am but a shell of a person I once was. I look in the mirror and I hrdly recognize the timid woman stsring back at me. there are so many times I look back at my actions and feel I’ve regressed- Im not maturiong in any capacity. instead, i’m hiding behind substance usage to cope. I might regret posting this in the morning, butit is my truth, and i feel its important to track it. I need to remember every stage of healing ive gone through and push past it. I am strong. I am capable. I am human

goodnight blog.