I’ve spent a great deal of time deciding what I want out of this blog. I purchased the initial domain in January 2024, spent weeks tweaking the website layout and choosing which tabs to feature, did a little research on optimization… and then… moot! Fin. Done-ito. My blog was abandoned.

Normally, I’d keep a more “gathered” voice in my posts, but that’s just me masking my personality (yet again) under the guise of professionalism. This is my life, and I live it freely. Like most people in their early 20s, I’ve been struggling to figure myself out, and I don’t think I’ll ever truly know who I am until I’m comfortable being 100% myself at all times. No more letting it out little by little and morphing into whoever I think people want me to be. I am going to be myself.

Right now, I’m sitting at the bar with my friends—laptop, iPad, and journals in hand—and I realize I shouldn’t think too hard about what I share. I am brilliant. I am creative. And my life is sparkly as HELL!

I watched a few episodes of Sex and the City with my friend, Acacia, today. Listening to those women talk deeply reminded me of the conversations Acacia and I have. I loved it. Though I’ve never fully seen the show, I see a lot of myself in Carrie Bradshaw- especially in her relationship with Big- complicated, consuming… exhausting. I was drawn to the scenes where her narration aligned with her writing; I truly saw what I wanted for myself within Miss Bradshaw. Aside from her pathetically tragic relationships with men, she was unapologetically herself, and free with her voice. She knew she had one, and she wasn’t ashamed to use it.

I entered college with a boyfriend that trailed around until the middle of May during second year. After that I threw myself into the treacherous waters of the dating pool at UT Austin, experienced varying degrees of nightlife in the city, and truly lost myself to my surroundings- becoming unrecognizable to many of my friends. I have a lot of people worried about me. I’ve been selfish, I’ve been evil- I’ve made mistakes, and I have most certainly made enemies. But those are the unfortunate gems buried within my life.

Before then, I was a girl so full of ambition. Now, I feel like a beautiful flower denied the chance to bloom- nipped at the bud.

Still, I can take a moment to appreciate the girl I once was- a nature lover, a beekeeper, an avid reader and fluid creative. A lover, a listener, a kind and compassionate woman. I was intentional with all of my choices, rarely neglecting the ramifications of my decisions.

I feel like those aspects of my personality have scattered about, and I’m tired of hunting down the pieces. All that to say, I’ve experienced a lot, and I’m okay with leaving the girl I once was behind. I’m ready to become the person I’m supposed to be, and that starts with sharing my stories and getting it off my chest.

I’m excited to grow up.

Hello.